Proverbs 11:29

Before I moved here--Central Florida--I flew out here to visit my sister in law's high school English classes. I figured it would be a good idea to see what a teacher does, before actually applying for a job. A couple of her more astute students spotted me as an outsider and asked me what I was doing there. I told them, "Well, I'm going to move here and become a teacher." To which they replied, "Why? California's better. Florida sucks."

If I'd known then what I know now, I would have taken their advice and stayed put. Why? California's better. Florida sucks.

Look, I make the best of things, which is all any of us do anyway. I have things the way I want them, so I won't make too much noise about the ways in which Florida sucks. But I will say without hesitation that California is better. Way better. How?

1) Geography. Southern California's "landscape diversity" is unmatched except maybe by New Zealand's. When you can go body surfing, desert biking, and snowboarding on the same day, you are not going to be bored by the lay of the land.

2) Climate. Southern California's climate cannot be beat anywhere in the solar system. Never too hot, never too cold, no rain, no snow except in the mountains. And none of this GOD DAMNED HUMIDITY. People who move to Florida from the Northeast are ignorant. They think the weather is so beautiful here, just because it doesn't snow. They do not know what they are talking about.

3) IQ. People are smarter in Southern California. They have to be, because there's so much more competition for jobs.

4) Jobs. There are JOBS in Southern California. Other than "waitress" and "cook" and "housekeeper" and "geriatric nurse," I mean.

5) Beauty. A Central Florida 10 is a Southern California 7. Yes, really.

6) Entertainment. Los Angeles is no worse than second to New York City for entertainment options. Music, theater, Hollywood, Venice Beach...really, the list is too long. Sure, Orlando has some cool Disney and Universal stuff (the suckiness of the Magic Kingdom notwithstanding), but that grows stale all too quickly.

7) Opportunity. In any field, Southern California's occupational opportunities are unmatched anywhere. If you want to be a dancing fish smoker, you can develop that skill at the Learning Annex at Santa Monica College. They'll even help place you.

8) Gambling. LA to Vegas in five hours; Daytona to Biloxi in...who cares?

I'll stop here. My point is that the kids were right, but here I am anyway. See, when I went back to SoCal for Christmas and New Year's, I was expecting this huge emotional wallop along one of two lines: 1) "Oh my God, what have I done! I miss California! I need to move back here!" or 2) "God in heaven, get me out of here and back to Florida! This place is crazy!"

As it turned out, my reaction was somewhere in between. Yes, I miss California, but not like I missed it a month ago. Now I see that it's not going anywhere, and that I can always get on a plane when I need to bury my feet in the cool sands of Redondo Beach. And yes, I felt a little relief coming back to Florida, but only because it's now my home. I've made it so. I'm living how I want and doing what I please. And besides, wherever my wife and son are, there is home. "Home is where the heart is" -- I finally get it.

So I feel a little like John Scopes. I've been dragged through the ringer, and although I have to admit defeat (leaving So Cal for Fla), my penalty (like his $100 fine) is not nearly as bad as it might have been. I came out ahead; let the wind blow.