The flash and rumble of a rainstorm woke me at 5:00 AM. I shuffled into the living room and turned on the news, to see if there was a "named storm" brewing. That's important here in Florida because if the National Weather Service officially "names" a tropical storm, then your homeowner's insurance grinds into low gear. They'll only cover 80 percent of your losses, and you have to pay something like one and a half percent of your purchase price as a deductible. Or something usurious like that. There's nothing to be done about it by watching the news, of course, but at least you find out how much to worry.
Anyway, the weatherman didn't say anything about a named storm. He did, however, issue a tornado warning for my county and others. He said that he "wasn't trying to scare" me, but he wanted me "to take action". Such action, he noted, included hiding in a closet or under a bed! I wondered for a moment whether he meant I should actually stop watching his weathercast and leave the room, or just rest assured that he was concerned enough to offer the advice and thus prove that Channel 2 Action News is the caringest news organization in this one-ass town.
I did the only prudent thing; I went into denial about the tornado warning and punched up SportsCenter. I love football!
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